I hope the new year is treating you and your loved ones well so far.
Sometimes when I’m trying to fall asleep at night I write an entire newsletter in my head; but then come morning, I don’t remember a single word once I get out of bed. When that happens, I think to myself, ‘Why bother writing anything now since it will never turn out as well as the way I had originally imagined it?’
Silly, right? So here I am, writing in spite of having minimal clue as to what I’m going to write about.
On December 27, 2023 I had a very serious talk with myself (in my journal) about my relationship with instagram — my social media platform of choice. I’ve had an intermittent nagging voice that keeps asking me what the space actually adds to my life and, if the list in response is so small it can hardly be called a list at all, then why do I still spend so much time there? I told myself that if I really wanted to make a change (which I do) then I needed to do so wholeheartedly — not half-assedly like I have been.
Then I signed out, deleted the app, and haven’t logged back in since.
During previous instagram breaks I would delete the app but still allow myself to log in on the browser from time to time. Not this time bucko! And it feels good. I have no set timeline or rules for moving forward, but classes started up fast and furious this week so I imagine I won’t need to — or have time to — think about it for a while. Plus, my time outside of class and assignments is always better spent in the company of my loved ones.
I’ve been thinking a lot about public sharing lately, especially because “Work on book with my honey” was one of the items on my December Bucket List.
During my winter holidays while cozied up in my favourite post-ocean-dip coffee shop with my fiancé (!!!), he asked me what it was that I liked about writing. The question caused me to pause — and to be honest I still haven’t spent much time thinking about it other than knowing that writing provides me with an element of catharsis, a mechanism for documentation, and an avenue for creativity.
What I did start to think about, in the context of sharing my writing, was what it is that I like about other people’s writing. The first thing that came to mind for me was vulnerability. I appreciate a writer’s willingness to share the most human parts of themselves, and their capacity to create images with their words of their tenderest moments in such a way that provokes emotion from within me.
I realized in that moment that I may never be able to write the book — or any book for that matter — because there are parts of myself, my life, and my story that I am simply unwilling to make public. The reasons behind this unwillingness are vast and varied . . .
~ Sometimes it feels like big life events are made to happen for the sole purpose of posting / parading them on social media and that rubs me the wrong way.
~ There are moments in my life, big and small, that are so dear to me that I would much rather revel in them in private than shout them from the proverbial internet rooftops for strangers to partake in.
~ Seeing someone’s face in real time when you tell them big news (or any news) is much more exciting / beautiful / human than waiting to see what emoji / number of exclamation marks / combo of text words they choose to respond with.
~ Sharing parts of my story would mean revealing things about other people in my life that would likely cause unnecessary hurt.
~ Consent is very important to me, and to write about someone who has passed away means that I cannot ask them for that consent, which doesn’t sit well with me some days.
~ To write about someone who is still here obviously also requires consent; some of those conversations are conversations I’m not sure are worth the collateral damage.
~ I wrote a paper in the final semester of my undergrad about trauma porn. I think about the topic a lot when it comes to the content people choose to share / the content people seem to obsessively consume these days.
~ I value privacy as a form of safety more and more as the days go by. Boundaries surrounding access are something that seemingly cease to exist when things are made public.
All that being said, I still feel that the things I could and would and might still share one day have value. I’m grateful for this newsletter to test the waters with, to mull things over in, and to keep up a writing practice that toys at the edges of my comfort zone.
Something I’d seen content creator Rachael Renae do is create a quarterly PLAYlist where she makes a list of playful things that she wants to try each season, and I loved it. Though I don’t have the time or finances to engage in many new hobbies or activities at this moment in my life, I decided to make a general playlist to add to and refer back to throughout however long I feel like it. So far all I’ve got is:
~ make orange slice decor & art
~ watercolour painting
~ practice drawing
~ dance / musical theatre
In honour of the third bullet point I drew little pictures to go along with each of my entries so far — it was fun! The last point was added after witnessing the performers in Jesus Christ Superstar. I will never not be blown away by such phenomenal talent and artistry.
I’m pretty excited that before this year is up I’ll have finished my second degree and hopefully be working as a teacher on-call, which means I’ll have more time and financial resources to go toward something like a watercolour painting class, or a hip hop dance class.
This first week of school absolutely exhausted me, so my gratitude practice will continue to carry me through the long weeks and days as I continuously reorient toward the good, toward the present, and toward all that I have to look forward to in the near future.
I’m grateful for the cold temps this week that actually made it feel like winter around here!
I’m grateful for a Sunday morning date at a darling local spot with my wonderful fiancé (!!!).
I’m grateful for sleep-ins and good TV that makes me laugh, smile, cry, and helps me decompress after a long week.
I’m looking forward to bowling with some fam next weekend.
I’m looking forward to more meaningful, heartfelt conversations about the things that matter most.
I’m looking forward to hitting send on this newsletter and wishing you a peaceful week ahead.
Congratulations on your engagement Julia! I loved reading this - you are chewing through many of the same ideas around sharing publicly as me. I would add: I am thinking about what it means to share publicly as an artist/writer versus as a content creator... the former being who I am, the latter being who the internet makes me. I don't know if that translates, but thought I'd share.