On Hosting
past experiences, present reflections, and future ideations
Last weekend my sister came and stayed with us and we spent a rainy afternoon collaging during which the finalized version of my mood board for the year was born:
One of our requirements when we were house hunting before we found our darling townhouse was that wherever we end up needed to have a second bedroom, a guest room — a room so my sister could come and stay with us.
After living in one bedroom dwellings for the entirety of my adult life, having a home with enough space to offer a bed to friends and family means so much to me. It makes me so happy that I can say yes when my mom texts us asking if she and my stepdad can crash at our place before their early morning flight the next morning, that when they invite us to a concert over the holidays we can spend the evening together beforehand and make them breakfast the morning after.
During our first year in our townhouse we:
~ hosted my husband’s kids for Christmas when all we had for furniture in the living room was an old loveseat, kitchen chairs, and a Christmas tree
~ hosted my mom’s side of the family for a snack night / housewarming partay
~ hosted my sister for several slumber party weekends
~ hosted the bridal shower of my wildest dreams (which I really had nothing to do with other than providing the space and showing up after my mom, stepmom, and sister overhauled the space to surprise me aka blow me away!!)
~ hosted my husband’s mom and sister for twelve days on and around our wedding!!
~ hosted eleven of my husband’s family members for dinner (and we all fit in our dining room!!)
~ hosted my grandpa for several nights after our various granddaughter-grandfather dates (ie. guest lectures, musicals, symphony, fireworks)
~ hosted a crafternoon with my mom and grandma while hosting my mom to complete our 2025 Together List (have I written about the together list??)
~ hosted not one, but two Christmas gatherings with each of our sides of the family to debut (with my fam) and have the second annual (with my husband’s fam) Christmas Olympics!!
~ hosted friends for dinner, and friends for tea
~ hosted my grandparents for thanksgiving, and my husband’s kids and their partners for another thanksgiving celebration
~ hosted my husband’s kids for birthday dinners and just for fun
What! A! List! It may not have been that exciting for you to read, but for me it feels amazing to think back on all the times (guaranteed I forgot many) that we hosted people in our home. It feels like a dream come true.
In the early days of our relationship, my husband and I did the online personality quizzes to determine what our enneagrams were. When, on a crisp walk during the first week of the new year, we stumbled acrossed a book titled The Wisdom of the Enneagram in a nearby neighborhood free library I couldn’t help but grab it to bring home to page through together and reminisce on those early days.
I was intrigued to see if five years later we still scored the same (more on the enneagram in a future newsletter). The book had a series of questionnaires throughout to help you decipher which number might suit you best. One of the questionnaires had you indicate on a scale of 1-5 beside a series of statements “how true or applicable to you it is.” I scored the following statement a 3 on the grounds that I felt I hadn’t had many opportunities to host:
“I take special joy in entertaining and hosting my friends and extended family.”
My husband astutely commented that the statement didn’t depend on the quantity of opportunities I’d had, but whether or not those opportunities brought me a special sense of joy.
As someone who puts a lot of care and attention into pretty much everything, I thought a 3 still made sense considering how tired I often felt after any hosting event . . . but as we talked about it more, and as I thought about it more, I realized ‘hmm, yeah, I guess I do enjoy hosting.’
I’m not going to lie, I haven’t put a ton of thought into where this joy stems from exactly. What I do know, is that I love to contribute to other’s sense of joy and comfort. I also know that my family members have hosted many wonderful gatherings throughout my entire life; I feel deeply grateful to them for all of the memories made under their roofs and I want to provide some of the same for them.
Though I do love the aesthetic touches that often come with hosting — cute tableware, dim lighting, & cozy vibes, invitation creation, food selection and layout — what I love the most is seeing the smiles on everyone’s faces and knowing that all it took was welcoming folks into our home so that we could gather together and enjoy the company and laughter of one another.
I’ve been toying with the idea of hosting a Galentine’s celebration with family and friends and I’ve found myself getting hung up on a million questions: Will I have time to make decorations? Do I want to spend money on decorations? Should we do cookie decorating? If so, will I have time to practice making some? When will I get the ingredients? How many colours of icing and sprinkles would I need to provide? How much notice do I need to give people? How structured would the event need to be? What other activities could I organize? Would everyone get along?
It’s not that these questions don’t matter but at the same time, they don’t really matter. Because based on what I know that I enjoy about hosting, bringing people together to make memories together is what matters most, and I know and trust that everything else woud fall into place; and I know that in the end, answering all of the above questions would end up being fun and fuel my creativity and be additional to having humans I care about come together in time and space.
Plus, sure I remember how there was always lots of food at my grandparent’s houses or how my aunt had pre-planned games to suit whatever the theme of the party was, but what I remember most is how it feels being cared for in the presence and spaces of my loved ones. I love spending time at my mom’s because her sweet dog always greets us in the gentlest way when we arrive. I love that the real estate of her walls are taken up entirely by pictures of my sister and I, that she goes to the store to by my husband his favourite type of yogurt and ice cream before he arrives, that as soon as I step foot through the door I instantly feel loved and at home.
Sure I remember that Gramma’s kitchen was always a mess — but I didn’t care. Because I also remember the way her worn-in couches were always waiting to embrace me when I came barreling in after school, the way she would wrap me up in a blanket and sit in her cozy oatmeal-coloured chair and listen to me go on and on about my day. I remember how she would sit on the steps leading down into the second living room only after she made everyone a cup of whatever warm drink they were feeling to accompany the way too many sweets she had picked up from the store earlier that week. I remember feeling so deeply comfortable and at home, always.
I do enjoy the details of hosting, and I forsee myself getting more and more into a groove as time goes on. I sometimes get a little off track during the preparations: agonizing over whether or not everyone will have a good time, if we will have enough food, or if the house is clean enough etc. etc. It’s always worth it though. My worrying has yet to outweigh my enjoyment . . . and I honestly feel a deep sense of pride and gratitude knowing that I can play a little part in the memory-making moments of our loved ones’ lives.
If you made it this far, thank you. I’ll probably write more about this topic in the future as it’s becoming something near and dear to my heart. What are your thoughts and feelings on the topic of hosting?
I hope all is well in your little world, and that tiny moments of joy make themselves known to you around every corner.
